Experiencing grief and loss is an inevitable part of life, even for young children, say the experts at Aspire Psychological Group. Whether they lose a loved one, pet, friend, or favorite toy, it is a confusing and painful time. As parents and caregivers, it is our job to help children process grief in a healthy way.
Create a Safe Space for Them to Share Feelings
Do not assume young children are oblivious to loss or that they bounce back quickly. Provide ample opportunity for them to express their feelings and ask questions in a judgement-free zone. Let them know all emotions are okay, even if those feelings are hard to understand. Allow expression through writing, art and play activities if they prefer that to talking.
Use Books and Resources to Normalize Grief
For young kids especially, stories and books can help normalize feelings of grief and loss that may scare them. Read together about characters coping with losing a parent, friend moving away or death of a pet. Provide drawing supplies and journals for journaling emotions. Recommend age-appropriate online resources and support groups led by counselors.
Address Their Fears and Misconceptions Gently
The death of a loved one or pet often sparks big fears in children about losing others or even dying themselves. Answer questions about what dying means honestly but gently. Explain what comes after death in terms they understand, based on your family’s religious or spiritual beliefs. Reassure them you and other family members are healthy. Ease worries about being abandoned or unloved.
Keep Routines Consistent for Stability
When a major loss disrupts a child’s life, sticking to regular routines provides comfort and stability. Keep school schedules, extracurricular activities, playtime, bedtime rituals and family time as consistent as possible. Make sure they maintain relationships with friends and relatives that anchor them.
Acknowledge Special Days May Be Difficult
Holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions can amplify feelings of sadness and loss. Acknowledge to children these days may stir up emotions. Let them know it is normal to feel down and that you miss the deceased or absent person, too. Plan memorial activities like visiting the grave, making their favorite food, or looking at photos. Take cues from your child on whether they want to talk about loss or focus on the positive.
Focus on Happy Memories
When someone close to a child passes away, actively reminiscing about joyful memories together is tremendously helpful. Talk or make a memory book full of silly jokes, fun adventures, and meaningful moments you shared with the deceased. Laughter and tears provide catharsis.
Be Extra Patient and Provide Comfort
In times of grief, children need extra patience, reassurance, and comfort from caretakers. Provide more frequent hugs, cuddles, and words of affection. Let them sleep in your room if it helps them feel secure. Temporary regression like bedwetting or acting out is normal. Manage it gently and consistently. Stick to routines but allow extra downtime if they seem emotionally exhausted. Keep communicating that you are there for whatever they need.
Address Your Own Grief Appropriately
To help children through loss, caregivers must first address their own grief in a healthy way. Do not bottle up emotions. Lean on other adults for support and process feelings. Avoid excessive crying in front of children. Model resilience and hopefulness about being able to move forward. Seek counseling if grief makes daily functioning difficult.
Conclusion
The death of loved ones and pets, moves, divorce and other losses are difficult but inevitable parts of childhood. Providing empathy, honesty, security, and tools for emotional expression allows children to progress through the stages of grief in a healthy way.
